This was four years ago..

This was 4 years ago. 4 years. It legit feels like a year ago, not four. 

I miss feeling her move in my tummy and right from the start she would sleep with mummy, never did she wake me up with her kicks. 

Now we sleep together side by side, and sometimes I gaze in her eyes and wonder how this happened, how I became a mother and how I gave life to this beautiful baby. 

She's changed my entire life, my entire mindset and my priorities. And all I want is to comfort her, make her feel loved and always be there for her, no matter what. 

But I truly am afraid. 

I fear a "what if she grows apart from me?" phase. I fear driving her away or not making her comfortable to tell me things. I fear not being the one who will always be there no matter who comes in her life. 

I fear that I'll be too overprotective and that my parenting choices will somehow drive her away instead of close. 

I understand she's just a 3 year old, but she's not just a three year old to me. She's growing up to be a respectful fine young lady of which I'm so proud of and I truly hope wherever life takes her, she'll feel close enough to tell me all about it. 

I understand I'm her parent and not her friend, but if there's one thing I wish for is to have a strong bond with her, as I do. But I want a life-long one, for which I know I'll have to work. But there's nothing I want more. 

She's not just a three year old. She's my family. And a part of me goes wherever she goes.

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